how to write copy that wins awards...

wish i knew how

relativity...

i would rather be an infinitesimal mote of dust in an infinite cosmos than one of the ‘chosen ones’ of the so-called creator.

because i want to wonder whenever i look up at the night sky, about what is out there. without that feeling of wonder, i am nothing. i want my imagination to wander through the endless void of the night.

who knows what will turn up? whatever I find will be my truth.

you see, i have always believed that truth is relative; there are no absolute truths or a final ‘theory of everything’. even if there is, i don’t see why we as a species would find it.

we are just temporary entities who exist on a tiny planet orbiting a minor star in the outer reaches of an insignificant spiral arm of an average galaxy that forms part of a minor galactic cluster which is just a small part of a galactic super-cluster which is probably just one of the trillions in the universe.

and who is to say that our universe is not just a miniscule region of an infinitely larger multi-verse?

beat ogilvy at his own game in 5 easy steps

copywriting is like everything else. it's easy if you know how.

however, becoming a copywriting legend can be a lil' daunting. but by following the simple instructions listed below, you too (yeah, sure) can become a david ogilvy or leo burnett:

# 1 invest in black-books (older the better)

black-books are the ultimate source of inspiration for copywriters. it is always advisable to go in for black-books from the 1980s and 1990s. of course, they are cheaper. even more important, you minimize the odds of other people having seen the ads in these. a logical question that might arise in your mind is - what if other people have seen ads from these? it is a good question.

# 2 grow a pony-tail and a weird beard* to go with it

it has been scientifically proven that individuals with pony-tails and weird beards are twice as likely to write better copy than those without pony-tails and weird beards.

* the results of another study suggest that this may not be true when it comes to female copywriters.

# 3 try to spell words right

it has often been observed that people who spell well tend to become better copywriters. the reverse is true too. better copywriters tend to spell better.

the best copywriters in the world know that words, even if they sound alike often have different spellings and meanings.

for instance, your mom's brother is your U-N-C-L-E, whereas your A-N-K-L-E is a hugely different thingumajig. so is A-N-G-L-E.

# 4 perfect your grammar

perfection is the name of the game when it comes to your past perfects, present perfects and future perfects. all of these can be perfectly confusing.

# 5 follow the first four rules

and when in doubt, mumble

adspeak for dummies and a (very unlikely to be) useful reference tool for rest of us...

basic/beginner's/moron's/simple/easy
guide/reference/list/resource/ready-reckoner/companion
to
essential/basic/usually/normally/daily/regularly/commonly-used terms/expressions/words/jargon
in advertising
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let's start with simple words first...

copy

generally refers to the act of doing something exactly the way another person does it.

copywriter

a person who tries to do things exactly the way (he thinks) an author / writer would do.

for example, i like going out with tall, beautiful women of indian origin because Salman Rushdie always goes around with Padmalakshmi. in other words, i copywriter Salman Rushdie.

headline

also called frown lines, wrinkles, larry king lines, creased foreheads, wrinkled brows, worry lines. usually occurs as a result of worrying / frowning too much. usually seen on foreheads.

body copy

refers to a person who tries to copy the body of another.

for example, when you do aerobics, go on a diet or work out at the gym hoping to get the kind of figure Angelina Jolie has, it can be said that body Angelina Jolie copy you.

bodyline

refers to a famous cricket series played between england and australia. nothing to do with advertising or copywriting.

dummy-copy

refers to an individual who tries to act dumb

all i need to know is...

why me? :(

the light at the end of the tunnel is a...

...TRAIN (and dayum, it is fast) and all this time i thought it was redemption or salvation or something fancy like that. well, now i know.

it all started...

this was written on a very bad day. give this a miss? pretty pleeze?

there is a first time for everything; copywriting ain't any different.

it was at school that i first considered taking up copy as a career option. i must have been 13 or 14, not exactly sure. but it must have been during one of those awkward phases in life.

truth was that i had no choice.

scene:

a typical classroom. the day of the chemistry test (used to be called annual exam). the question papers had been handed out and it was just seconds away from 'all systems go'.

moments later, i was holding the question paper, without the faintest idea of what it was all about (only much much later would i realize that i wasn't the only one, most people in that room that day were clueless).

we need to go a bit off the track now:

this was about the time i had started reading books - billy bunter, p. g. wodehouse, hardy boys, hitchcock, nancy drew, famous five and whatever else it was that was generally read those days... everyday the chemistry class provided me with one solid hour of reading time. i certainly wasn't going to waste it on chemistry.

we need to get back to the chemistry test now:

i was lucky the guy sitting right in front of me on that eventful day was a helpful sort of chap. he pushed his table and chair back just so that i wouldn't need to strain my eyes to see his answer sheet. to use the technical term, synchronize my answer sheet with his.

i had found my calling > copy-writing.

that was one of those defining moments in my life (such moments can be made out only years later, generally when you have nothing better to do other than going down memory lane).

the fact that his question paper was quite a bit different from mine that day* is not very relevant to this story and so i will just gloss over that.

so then that's that.

* two different question papers which they alternated so that the person seated next to you would get a different one. tyrants.